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March 10, 2011

Double Take

   It is easy to judge someone who is overweight.  Even when I weighed in at 338 pounds, it was easy to look at someone who was large and think about how they let themselves go, or how they have no will power or self control.  In my mind, I never looked like them. I hope it is pretty obvious through this blog and my conversations, that I don't have much issue sharing about my weight.  I thought I noticed something over the past couple months, but I was sure of it last week.

   I went to have my eyes checked and like all doctor's offices, I had to complete the medical history forms.  Then the doctor goes through everything with you again, because they are obviously too busy to read it themselves.  When he asked me about medical procedures, I go through the list...appendix, back, weight loss surgery...then it happened.  The double take.  He had turned slightly away from me going through the forms, but at the mention of weight loss surgery, his head pops back quickly and does a quick scan of my body.  This time, it was simply too obvious to avoid notice.  It isn't the first time it has happened to me.

   For some reason, you tell someone you had surgery to lose weight, and it's like they are looking at your body to see what kind of shape you are in.  Usually, as a guy, it is my stomach they glance at, but not always...but I notice that it happens all the time.  It's strange how you say, "I've lost 60 pounds since November" and it is like people suddenly have the need to look at your body to see how they think you're doing.

   Sometimes their face gives it away.  I wonder what is going through their head as they give me the once over.  Are they thinking about how big my belly is even after I've lost that much weight?  Are they looking to see a double chin?  Do I have sagging extra skin or something?  I'm sure I'm not the only one to experience this.

  For a while, I was really uncomfortable when people complimented me.  I try to take it in moderation and I hope that I hide my discomfort of the situation when people say things.  They shouldn't have to be uncomfortable because I might be.  Now, I think a lot about how people really perceive me.  I think a lot about how they think of a person who chose surgery because nothing else seemed to work.  I wonder what goes through their head when they do the double take.  Then I wonder if it's all just in my head.


Tammy said...

I can understand that awkwardness when they "check you out" but think about it this way - if someone mentions they got a haircut, what's the first thing you do? It's impossible to mention something that has changed without people looking to see the change. Just human nature - not judgment.

On the other hand, I'm with you. I wonder if people think "well, she's lost it before, it's only a matter of time before it's back." It helps to keep me motivated to prove what I think they think wrong! ;)

You're doing a great job - keep it up!